dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I have fence marks all over my body
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Why are your pants in the freezer?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
