If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm always down for nudity.
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