If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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