i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
