Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
They have beer where we have blood.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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