Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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