y did u give ur computer a hand job?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize