he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
