No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
