She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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