some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize