I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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