I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize