you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
