Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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