I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
there is puke in my bra ... again
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