I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
