my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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