The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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