Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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