remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
