We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
