I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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