One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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