Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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