we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
