Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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