my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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