now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I can't turn off my feet"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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