sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
