with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
