I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
