I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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