She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
