i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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