The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I AM VODKA MAN
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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