I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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