I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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