Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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