It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Randomize
