You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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