just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
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