im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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