Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
