When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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