I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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