The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
