Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
