Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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