Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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