she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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