I seem to have left my pride at pride
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
