i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
