Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
