I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
