I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
