I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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