Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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