Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
