Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
not ubering you a puppy
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
