I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
