you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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