i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
