dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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