i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize