i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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