please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
