had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
