if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
