Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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