you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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