I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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